Celebrity Teacher: Gordon Ramsey

What would celebrities be like as teachers, you may wonder? I know! Time for the first celebrity to show his worth!

Teacher: Gordon Ramsey, celebrity chef famous for his "French".
Class: 32 ten year old students
Scene: Home Economics
Rating: NSFW due to vulgar language



Time: 8.15 am

Ramsey: Alright, good morning students, please take your seat! Today we are going to --

Sara: Sir, where do we take our seats, we have no chairs...

Ramsey: I didn't tell you to sit on a chair, did I?

Sara: No, sir, but I thought...

Ramsey: So where the fook do you think I want you to sit then? 


Sara: Well, sir...on the floor?

Ramsey: Well done, lassie...Now, that wasn't so hard, was it? Could you please take your fooking seat and shut the fook up! Thank you! So, today we are going to cook spagbol and since I know this is one of your favorites I have decided to change the recipe a bit to make it a tad more culinary so to speak, yes? In order to...


Andy: Sir, what is spagbol?


Ramsey:  Are you kidding, me Andy? Are you actually telling me you don't know what a fooking spagbol is?


Andy: I am sorry, Sir, I have no...

Ramsey: Bloody hell! I don't believe it! Does anyone of you fooking twats in here know what a fooking spagbol is and if you anyone do, could this person please be so fooking kind to tell Andy, please? What?! No one?!You are the most fooking pathetic sorry bunch of kids I have ever seen. Are you daft, all of yous?? Have you not ever had spaghetti bolognese?! It is spagbol, okay! Spaghetti bolognese is the same thing as spagbol, yes? See what I just did here, yes? I took SPAG from Spaghetti and BOL from bolognese and put it into one fooking word and voila! - SPAGBOL! I can't believe you don't fooking know what this is, you are fooking children, for god sake, you should know what spagbol is!


Andy: I am sorry Sir....*sniffle*


Ramsey: Oh my fooking god, are you fooking crying now? Oh come on! You can't start crying as soon as someone raises his voice, what the hell are you, a fooking baby? Come on, grow some balls for crying out loud, you stupid prick! Now, can you please shut the eff up!!


Time: 9 am

Ramsey: Good girl, Lindsey! I like what you did with the tomatoes, there. Next time, if you make sure you put them into the sauce a minute or two earlier, it will be perfect, yes? And Lisa, come here a second, please. Lisa? LISA?!


Lisa: I am sorry, Sir, did you call?

Ramsey: No, Lisa, I didn't I was FOOKING YELLING! Are you def, you stupid cow?! I have fooking calling you for an hour, what the fook is wrong with you?!

Lisa: I am sorry, Sir, I was like kinda stirring the sauce and like whatever you know...

Ramsey: Hey...HEY! Don't you talk to me like that, Lisa! Don't you whatever me! What did you do, Lisa? Tell me what did you do and don't say fooking whatever, okay?!

Lisa: I was stirring the---

Ramsey: You already said that!

Lisa: ...the sauce and...

Ramsey: Oh my god! You must be the most worthless kid I know, you can't even tell me what you did with the fooking sauce! Why don't you go get an extra fooking course in how to use your fooking vocal chords to actually produce some fooking words! I am no master in reading peoples' minds, Lisa! I can't fooking read your mind so I can't fooking know what the fook whatever is, YES?!


Time: 10.30 am

Ramsey: Okay, that is it for today. And I must say, that you people are the most pathetic, sorry excuses for human beings I have ever worked with. You suck....YOU...SUCK! If I ever meet you *beeep* *beeep* again I will *beeep* and *beeep* *beeep* *beeep* *beeep* , yes?! I just want to *beeep* *beeep* fooking*beeep* *beeep* ass*beeep* *beeep*